How It All Ended

Here's the conversation. I'm blue, she's red.

Still up?

Yeah. Sup?

Merry christmas mervs!

i need some advice okay lng magtext tayo?

Merry Christmas! Yes, what is it about?

About elton? Sorry kung sau ko sinasabi. Ok lng ba sau? Insensitive ba ako sau? Wala na kasi ako makausp.. But it is ok kung yaw m.

Nandyan na. Nasabi mo na. Nanliligaw ba?

Sorry... Cge. Nevermind... So insensitive of me... Ok lang naman. Have a happy christmas! :D

Nah. It's okay. We're friends anyway. What's up? Nag-aakyat ng ligaw? If you like him, entertain mo na. Nakwento mo dati kung gaano siya kaokay

Ndi siya nanliligaw. He wants me to b his gf. Im really shocked. N i dnt know what to do. Sobrang bilis ng pangyayari.ndi ako umoo ofcourse i need time to think. Ang bilis. Tapos huling isap nmin knina na ok n kami but now ndi siya nagrereply and wala n siyang fb account or ndi k n siya friend sa fb. Ewan ko.

Wow. That's.. Incredible.

Kilala mo na rin siya ng matagal tagal, di ba? It's really up to you. If you see him in that manner, then give it a shot. Pero, isip ka na lang ng mabuti. As for how he is reacting, maybe he's going through some stuff and he'd like to be alone for a moment..

So weird... Ang bilis ng lahat. I dnt know.. I also need time to think. Ndi ko naman naisip na magkakagusto un sa akin eh. I never thought that way sa kanya. Ewan.. Hai..

yah... Maybe he needs time but its really unfair...

Sabi ko nga sayo, I think he likes you... It is.. But life isn't always fair..

Ndi ko lubusang maisp... Ndi kasi ako yung type na girl niya. Totally oposite.

Well, you're not exactly unlikable either. Plus, the proximity. Would you want to talk about it? I can call.

Ndi n. May tao dito. Idnt want them to hear bout it.

i dnt know... Nagulat ako sa knya..

Ok. At least alam mo na ngayon.

Bkt... Bkt ako pa.. Hai..

What made you say or ask that?

Kasi ok naman na friends kami.

saka ndi naman ako likable. I dnt get it. Really..

Tingin mo ba tatanda kang dalaga? X.x

Ndi naman. Gusto ko naman magasawa noh. Saka yaw ng parents ko na maging kami. He's filipino remember..

Bawal ba? Some allow na kasi. Anyway, gusto mo mag-asawa, pero you don't think someone would like you?

Uhm.. Ndi sila strict pero they prefer chinese. And kasi nagbigay ng flower si elton so tinanung nila kung nanliligaw. So ang sinabi ko na lng oo. And their reaction is not good. Yaw ni mama..

I see..

Hai.. Bahala na.. Itutulog ko na lng. Cant stop from crying.. Thanks mervs! I appreciate it. Sobra...

and maybe i think we're better as friends na rin.. im sorry...

Yeah. Of course. He's your best friend and you really care about him.

Sige, itulog mo na lang if that's what you feel like doing.

Sure.

Okay. It's okay. At least you're being honest right now at hindi mo na rin pinatagal. Good night. Merry Christmas.

Goodnight mervs! Thank you so much for everything. Merry christmas!

Heartbroken on Christmas Day

I was just playing the PSP when I received a message from her. I knew it was something weird. Then, she mentioned about Elton. Yeah. On Christmas day, she opened up about her problem with a friend. How convenient. And I was spending my time playing the PSP because I didn't want to be drowned in my thoughts... Because I was at times thinking about her. I didn't want to fall. I didn't want to invest too much because I knew that it might end up in nothing. But I guess that's just mission impossible. Because I knew that I liked her. I just didn't know how much... Until today, when she broke my heart. I finally learned how much I've suppressed the feelings that I could have for one girl... Just because of my past.

She opened up with a message asking if I could talk to her because she needed someone to talk to.

Yes, of course, that was always my role and field of expertise... listening to problems and trying to help whoever I can. I said yes... Only to be surprised with what she replied: It was about Elton.

I knew it. He's courting her. I don't know why she never thought that it would be weird for me to hear this. When she did, it was too late. I told her to just tell me.

He wants to be her boyfriend. Wow. Okay. What's next then?

She didn't say yes. She's confused.

We went on talking and etcetera.

Until her final text....

I think we should just be friends too. I'm sorry. Okay. Thanks.

Yeah. You broke my heart on Christmas Day 2011. Let's end it this way.

Wedding Bells Are Ringing... Again

Finally, I get to blog again because it's the Christmas season. This means that I still have a Christmas vacation. With the challenges of med school, it's quite difficult for me to find the time to blog and express what's on my mind. Anyway, here's the latest update.

My brother (the second brother whom I call DiHya) just got engaged and he's going to get married on January 15. His fiance seems to be nice. We don't know her much yet, really. My brother sort of made sure that we didn't know any of her girl friends especially when he broke up with the one that he introduced to us. It was weird, of course because the girl was quite close to us. So, when they broke up, it was just sad and all of the sudden. After that, he never introduced any of the girls to us. Well, that was until he was about to marry her. :) She's okay. But as usual, there's always a point of disagreement and argument and the shit has just introduced itself to us. Ack. January 15 is the day. Good luck to my brother.

... And I guess I forgot to write while I was drowning of wallowing melancholy that only med school can bring.

Tired

It's just the first week back in school and I am already feeling tired. The first day felt as if it was Friday and I was all beaten up with the mountainous tasks that had to be accomplished. What's worse is that it's the time of the year. Haaay.

Break My Heart into Pieces

I know I did you wrong at some point.
I know you're not yet ready.
I am not too.
But I don't want to bottle everything up
and say nothing when I really feel for you.

So, if in case you feel for me too,
tell me.
I am willing to wait until forever
just don't make me wait in vain
especially when you know I've been through this hell before
and it will crush my heart
if you just let me fall
hard.

The End

I should be cramming for Biochemistry and Anatomy right now. I would normally be undoing because I just came home from a friend's party and it's 11 o'clock. I have loads of duties and responsibilities to fulfill and yet I am on this page writing my thoughts away. Perhaps, it's mainly because of what is playing on TV right now - CheChe Lazaro Presents Suicide. Am I suicidal? I don't think so. I haven't committed suicide but I must admit that I had thoughts before when I became depressed. I've also heard someone told me to do it. Yes, it is indeed weird. I bet if you're reading this and you're clueless of who I am or even if you know who I am, you'd think I am crazy. I suppose I am. But I am still alive. Now, why would I be writing about this right now? It's simply because I am still bothered with what happened to my friend years ago..

It's over and done. It's been years. But I still can't get over what happened. There are days when I still couldn't accept the fact that he is gone and that he actually committed suicide. I still can't forgive myself for not doing anything at the least. I know for a fact that I can't do anything if he really wanted to kill himself but I can't help but think that I could have made him feel better and helped him get out of his depression. I guess it's because of the TV why I would be this affected with what had happened years ago. However, I am usually a mess during these times because his birthday and death anniversary is near. I still relive the moments when he last talked to me and when I last found out how things went. It was painful. We all had to accept it and move on. But the scars are still there. After what happened to him, I vowed to myself that I would do whatever I can to prevent something like this from happening again. I felt the pain that a friend/brother would feel if he loses someone by suicide and I don't dare inflict the same pain to any of my friends. Blah. This is so crazy, insane shitness. I hate this but this is what it is and I have to deal with it. I guess I'll just visit his grave soon.. I hope he's happy wherever he is now.

if you are given a barbie doll, will you go to bed early?

No.

Strike 2. One more and it's astalavista baby.

Ask, but with sense and substance please. Stupid anonymous questions WILL be ignored.

If there was one thing that you could bring back from the past, what would it be?

My dad.

Ask, but with sense and substance please. Stupid anonymous questions WILL be ignored.

your worst asset/trait/characteristic?

Choose between hot-tempered and difficult-to-please.

Ask, but with sense and substance please. Stupid anonymous questions WILL be ignored.

malas ba o swerte ang mga taong may allergy sa mga alcoholic drinks?

Swerte. We have the perfect excuse. :D

Ask, but with sense and substance please. Stupid anonymous questions WILL be ignored.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

Yes.

Ask, but with sense and substance please. Stupid anonymous questions WILL be ignored.

Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

Yes.

Ask, but with sense and substance please. Stupid anonymous questions WILL be ignored.

Does anyone hate you?

Yes. A lot of people hate me but I believe there are more that like me. Well, at least I'm being who I am. :)

Ask, but with sense and substance please. Stupid anonymous questions WILL be ignored.

If you have one day left to live what would you do and why? :)

I will have a concert and the chorales and singing groups I've performed with have to showcase their talents. It'll be a celebration of music and arts. I'll have a duet with Kyla, Jed Madela, Martin Nievera, Gary Valenciano, Adele. I'll sing with Nursing Chorale and Medicine Chorale. I'll have a duet with my singing partners before. I'll perform with Cluster D Medwards and have a reunion of the Hairspray crew plus my high school class' West Side Story. :)) I would love to have that for the last day of my life. :)))))

Ask, but with sense and substance please. Stupid anonymous questions WILL be ignored.