Everything seems lifeless to me. It's as if everything has lost its reason and everything is just leading towards its own destruction.
I don't know if I still want to be in med school. The only thing, I suppose, that's anchoring my stay is the fact that I am no quitter. I hate the fact that it's not what I'm used to. I hate the fact that the volume is overwhelming and is basically hard to chew. I hate the fact that I am actually capable of failing an exam or two. I hate all of these facts but hating them won't really help me in my battles. It has sucked all the inspiration and motivation in me that I can't get myself to focus and be productive. All I am doing right now is trying to get by with the absence of heart. In parts, I want to stop the journey. I want to stop for a while and get things into perspective. But then again, I know this is just a stop in the road. I just need some break time - a time away from it all. I don't know if it's a burn out but I think it might be. I'm trying to have as much resilience as I can muster within me to overcome this but I don't know how much more I can take.
I've also noticed a lot of "disuse" atrophy. I suppose practice really does make things.. "perfect". And the lack thereof would make things quite dispensable. My writing skills also fall under this category. I went on a sabbatical and so did my writing skills. I'm very prone to grammar errors and the fluidity is practically non-exisent. To be honest, I somehow think that the same has happened with my brain. Ugh. Liquefactive Necrosis! :(
Another thing that's making things lifeless is the absence of a love life and the coming of my birthday. I hate feeling old.