Monday, June 27, 2011


I've hated writing for quite some time. I hated it because I forced myself to write so many times just because my job compels me too. There was no passion, no meaning.. no reason. It was purely transactional and devoid of any inspiration that I would normally have even with the word choice and the phrasing stylistics I employ. It was just purely for the sake of accomplishing the task and making sure that it was an article decent enough to be written by the 2-time editor-in-chief of the UST Nursing Journal.

My term is over and now, I am back to being a normal writer/blogger who has no obligations of making everything as perfect as how the ideal picture would be. I can make mistakes and no one would really magnify it. Well, at least not to the magnitude as it used to be.

I can write again. I can express again. Little by little it has come back. Now, I just need to hold on to it and not let the extreme measures subject it to the previous torture that it had endured.

Monday, June 20, 2011

At the Back of My Mind

Today, a shadow that brings light haunts me again. 

Time may have been an essential element to bring about acceptance in life. But the memories that remain cannot be shattered through the test of time. Apparently, the feelings have the same fate. 

Years have passed since a heartbreaking event took place and although the occurrence itself had made me stronger, it still reserved a soft spot that can always be triggered. They say that when you lose someone or something, there is something to be gained. But then, when you lose someone or something this important, no gain can simply replace the loss or even compensate for it at the very least. 

As I trudge across the seemingly endless road, I think back on all the reasons that I venture on. Am I doing it right? Am I making him proud? Am I being the best that I can be to bring justice to his name? 

There simply are days when I will have to ponder on these thoughts time and time again. There are simple fragments of instances where I will stop at what I am doing and take a step back to reassess if this is where I want to be - if this is where he would have wanted me to go or perhaps if I am making him proud. A decade may have passed but the residues still remain. I believe it's not anything bad. It doesn't hold me back. It just makes me go on and on. It makes me reevaluate the path that I am taking, how I am taking it and how I should see it in an appropriate light. I don't know as much. I opt not to dream and communicate through my subconscious or unconscious. I don't welcome that space unlike my siblings who can readily see what message was meant to be sent. And I'm greatly appreciative that I am not one to sense because my active imagination brought about by my "creative" writing sense make me fixated at the preschooler stage. But I believe I have my own way of communicating with him. I miss him. I still love him and it will forever stay that way. How can it not be? 

More than a decade may have passed... Perhaps even after many decades will pass but that 10 years would never be forgotten. Thank you, Daddy. I love you. Happy Father's Day! I suppose I'll be intensely thinking about you again on August. I'm always lost in my thoughts during that month. Hope you're proud of who I am right now. :) 

***And I thought I wouldn't be writing again. A short story from my brother about a dream he had a while ago made me lost in my thoughts and started typing in some words. Same rule applies... Write to express, not to impress. I'm no longer an EIC.. Just the same old writer that I enjoyed being.. and this is my therapy. 

Friday, June 10, 2011


Everyday seems to be a battle between me and my fears. The outcome would just depend upon my choice of succumbing to it or overcoming it.

Can I really do it? - such an overused question I throw at myself. The results would range from me succumbing to my fears or me victoring over them. It's always a choice.... and I have to keep that in mind.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

First Day

I wasn't really that ecstatic about my first day in med school. Somehow, it seemed as if it was an extension of Nursing or a fifth year so to speak. But it's more hellish. I'm not so used to being a nobody in Med. But I guess that's okay too since I would want to have a different feel to it. I'll just focus on my studies now.

First day jitters all over again

Tomorrow (or should I say later) would be the start of a new chapter for me.

Tomorrow would be the first day of my being a Medicine student. I don't really know what's going to happen or what the hell I entered in. I have no idea. I just wish, hope and pray that this journey would only be a good ride. hopefully, it would be a better venture than what I had in Nursing and that I would actually meet great people and make incredible friends. I'm happy that I am going to enter this part of my life with some old faces whom I've grown accustomed to in the past few years. I just hope things would go well and that I would be able to be victorious all throughout the challenges. My past is behind me now. It's a new beginning - a chance to start all over again. I will make it better. :)

Well, first day jitters would involve forcing myself to sleep. Haha. Wish me luck on that. :))

Until then. Good bye! :)

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Random Fact No. 5

I have a short temper. I really can't endure things when plug has been sparked. I easily get ticked off with things and I throw a fit when I can no longer control how mad I am. This usually happens when things are work-related and escape is not possible. But for the instances that it is possible, I just leave. It's something that I have been working on for so long. Well, it's better now but it's not yet completely okay.


昨天才說, 今天就發生了。 我在一個部份不及格。 我要讀書了。 天主,感謝您! :)

Friday, June 3, 2011

Random Fact No. 4

I actually play volleyball. I'm not good at it but I know how to play and I know the basic rules. I'm an enthusiast and basically, that's how I could classify myself for now. I used to play volleyball in high school and I was the one who has the strength to spike serve the ball over the net... But I can also hit it outside. I never got to be in the varsity team but that is another post. ;)

Thursday, June 2, 2011


剛才我們都答了一些練習考卷。 我應該上個星期要開始溫習了。 但是我突然累了。 我想一想大概是要上醫學的事情讓我感覺別開始溫習的。因為醫學開始的時候我都不能休息了, 所以我現在沒有在讀書。 而還在等到開學實在開始讀書。 這真的是一種不好的習慣, 但是我感很難改變了。 我現在應該在讀書但我真覺睡覺更重要。 所以我應該跟你們說晚安了。

Random Fact No. 2 and 3

I used to be a Math geek. :)

Back in Grade 1, I was the gold medalist for our math contest. But before that, I was a bit clueless about mathematics. I wasn't able to add anything that needed to be carried over back when I was in Prep III. I know I shouldn't be remembering such things from my childhood but somehow I do remember a lot of things when I make mistakes. That would be my Random Fact No 3 - I learn best from my mistakes. But let me finish this one first. I still do like Mathematics and I still have my mental computing abilities intact. However, the path I've taken doesn't utilize Mathematics as much. Math is simply something that I can pass without studying. I can't speak the same for the advanced subjects like Calculus and Trigonometry. But in general, I'm good in Math. Not to mention, I'm Chinese. :))

I learn best from my mistakes.

Somehow, that's how I learn best. I can try to sit down and face the books and memorize whatever I can try but I swear I will not be able to absorb everything that I read. I need to make mistake in quizzes and then I will remember things. Just like how my teacher humiliated me because I was always perspiring and I have oily skin back in Prep II. I shall never forget that evil teacher Mrs. Zenaida Ona for calling me to the platform and citing me as an example of a very unhygienic child. I suppose she didn't learn how to be a good educator with that. I also cannot forget how my Prep III Chinese teacher also told me that I didn't deserve to be an honor student just because I fail her Chinese subjects and fly in the English subjects. I suppose these are the learned experiences that led me to become the opposite of who I was when I was a child. Wow, good insight. Bwahahaha! :))

Random Fact No. 1

I am a writer by heart. This is probably the first talent that I have developed. I knew that I have a knack for writing ever since I was in Grade 1. I can't really claim to be the best and I would readily announce it to people - that I am not the best. There are people far better than me but I'm a good or great one especially in campus journalism. I'm quite adept with the English and Filipino language and that really works to my advantage. So, there. I'm stating one of the obvious - my love for writing is intrinsic. Thus, the existence of this blog and the persistence of my devotion and passion to the craft. I suppose I can never really leave writing but I can choose where to write. :) Why? Well, that's going to be another random fact. :D

Random Facts About Me Series

I suddenly had this idea of doing a random fact about me series. I'll post some random facts about me just for fun. :)) Time to be a little self-absorbed and self-conceited just like a Plurk user who knows no other subject than himself. Yeah. If ever you are stalking me, then you'd probably be able to read this and get the message that you are actually irritating. But I'm turning the shit of having to deal with you into something great - an idea for writing. Who said all the inconvenient things or people in the world should remain as such? :))

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Need to Focus More

I am just done being on the elliptical and on the bicycle. I did this while reviewing. well, so far things go in my mind anyway. I'm listening to the CHN Review right now and regret finally set in. I wish I started earlier because cramming this much won't do me any good.