Tuesday, May 31, 2011


Can I just say that was really nice? I miss you. :)

Monday, May 30, 2011


I don't really know if I can consider what we are going to have as a date but I am treating it as such. Hopefully, she feels the same way. I hope so because she entertained my invitation to go out with her. :) I don't know when was the last time I felt this way. I can't say that I already love her but I really do like her. :) I hope she likes me too.

Tomorrow (or later)
I don't know what movie..
It doesn't matter because I am with her.. :)

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Preparing.. or trying to.

What is the greatest challenge in taking the board examinations?

It is understanding what the question is especially with the awful grammar that the board examiners have.

Here I am trying to endure the grammar errors. So far, I can see that most of their questions would end up with two answers to choose from in the end. The other two choices are plainly irrelevant, useless and stupid.

I hope I manage to really study this time. 

Need to Lose Weight

I need to lose weight. 

Every morning that I wake up, a heavy feeling greets me and everything just seems to be a drag from there. I can't really say that I hate my body because I've gotten so used to it that I can manage to play with my strengths and compensate for the weaknesses. But as years went by, my weight just kept on increasing and it has manifested through my clothes size. 

I was in control of my weight during high school because I was a varsity player and my schedule was really hectic to the point that eating was not really an option to release stress. I spent most of my time on stage or rehearsing for a performance on stage. If not, I would be caught studying or perhaps sleeping because I've passed out due to exhaustion. Because of that I was only 190 pounds. Yes, I know it is still heavy but if you saw me back then, you'd think I was only 160 pounds. Okay! 170. Haha. At that time, I managed to fit into an large-sized shirt after being limited to XL or XXL. It was going good until I graduated from high school which meant that I graduated from being a varsity player. From that time up to now, I gained at about 50 pounds and I can't wear anything less than an XXL. So, I need to lose weight now. And I shall start. Really start.


I suddenly had an idea of copying the songs in my computer to the laptop with iTunes. Now, it's easier to sort and group songs together. Apparently, I'm going to add more music files soon. :) I'm just not so happy with having 7,500 songs as of now. But it's great revisiting some of them. I remember the songs that I grew up listening to and I'm glad to be able to hear them once again. I also cleaned up a lot of things here as well. Now, I can work better. It's game time. :)

Saturday, May 28, 2011

For some odd ball reason

For some oddball reason, I find myself wanting to start blogging again.

It seems that the aversion toward writing is really giving itself a permanent rest. It makes sense. I love to write and it's been a huge part of my life. I believe this is the first art form that I've developed. I may not be insanely good at it but it's not the point. It's more on the expression part. I may not be done with the one-liners expressing much anger but I'm done with holding things back. I'll still resort to different art forms but I'm giving writing a resumption. Cessation was just temporary. I just needed a time off to miss what I love doing. And now that I missed it much, I'm going to give it a go. :)

Friday, May 27, 2011


Eight more days until med school starts. I am not excited. I am freaked out. There are still lots of things to do..


I was finally able to muster the enough courage and ask her out. After a long time of not trying to give love a host, I guess I'm taking my baby steps to welcome the possibility of allowing myself to fall for someone special once again. I can't say I love her, not yet. But I daresay that she's really someone special to me. I don't want to rush things. I don't want to expect anything. I'd rather have things as it is.. for now. But soon, I'd like to have either a yes or a no - nothing in between. I'm done with non-sense suspension of my fate. I can handle a rejection, just not a hanging on the line. I'm also giving not having things work out as a possibility. But this time, I'd be more receptive of the other end.. I'd love to still be friends with her. But for now, I'll let nature take its course and gravity pull its magic on me.. :)

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Let go.

Words, have you become futile?

Lately, I just developed the aversion for writing. It pains me to sit on a chair and face my beloved laptop and write my heart away. Perhaps, it would be because my words will no longer be heeded. They would no longer matter and they would no longer be read. Worse, they would be read but would mean nothing because the true meaning beneath each well-structured sentence would be incomprehensible to each pair of eyes that would take view of my soul. Idealistic thinking. Yeah.

I went on a "hiatus" because I had so much bad experiences being the editor-in-chief of our college's publication for 2 damn years. That's probably one downside of my personality. I tend to look at the negative things that took place that I am not able to pull back for a while and look at the things that I've actually accomplished. To me, it's nothing. It's incomplete. It's lacking. I could have done more and I could have done better. However, I believe that was what I could to with the circumstances that I had. I brought myself to the job and did not bring the job to me. I just assumed a role and now I have to let go of that role. However, while I was assuming that role, I experienced a lot of things that I would not usually experience as an individual. I suppose this just has to make me stronger because it didn't kill me. I didn't allow it to kill me. I've never been so late and tired of working as compared to how I am now. I suppose I just reached my limit. There were a lot of boundaries crossed, limits pushed, and people whom I allowed myself to tolerate when normally, I would just shut them down. It's how I deal with people. Enjoy who I want to be with and ignore those that I deem insignificant. With the job, it wasn't an option. I had to deal with a lot of people whom I believe is not amiable at all.

Anyway, all those shit led me to abhor writing. Not to mention, reading numerous gramatically incompetent articles made me so susceptible to grammar errors my own. Now, after some time that I am done with all those shiz, I can go back to being the old writer that I am. I shouldn't hate writing. It didn't do anything bad for me. I should just hate the job of being the EIC and the people that made it difficult for me. Haha. Just kidding. Let go, let go. :) I'm letting it go. Don't bring it up though because the memories are plain bitter.. sweet.

It'll just be something that made me stronger then.

See how incoherent I can be in my blog entries. :))

I could care less.
I just let my thoughts flow here and I swear that I am so not thinking of whatever. Haha. Good night.

Friday, May 6, 2011


Let me tell you something about respect. I have learned with all my leadership experiences that I have incurred ever since I was young that respect is best earned through show and not scare. The influence should come willingly in a form of open invitation rather than coercion manifested by insecure threats.

You've manipulated a handful of people into doing things that you would want to do just to satisfy yourself. I won't allow that because I choose not to be manipulated by you. I am not as stupid as my friend and I can see the difference because I am more experienced and stronger than he is. I've been at it longer and I know what the rules and regulations exist for. I don't need to oppress others in order to satisfy my insecurities. I don't need to beat others just to display my strengths. I've known for a long time that I could do so without trying to throw comparisons with myself because it's apodictic. Even when I was young, my potentials and strengths showed for itself. I am a formed individual and I don't have residuals of my past haunting me and making me manipulate anyone in the present. 

I would still like to believe your good intentions. I would like to keep the good memories of how I see you as a father and how much I look up to you because doing that would give me hope that somehow, the person that I looked up to and respected was still there. Even if what I have been seeing now is the great change that took place. I didn't choose sides. You assigned me to that side because a lot of people were already on their offense with your camp. I am for the right and for most parts, I don't meddle. I've tried to defend your cause most of the times because I was holding on to the belief that the intentions were always good. Now, I question the intentions because it doesn't seem to be anymore. But, whatever now. I'm leaving the college and you are staying because it's where you work. I don't care about what you are going to do anymore because it's really up to you and whatever your conscience can bear. You can ruin as many people like me but it will never change the fact that you are one insecure individual with frustrations from your past. It will never take away the fact that you are immature enough to bring others down and ruin them. 

You and your babies have spread whatever lies that you want about me and I believe you were successful. I hope you're happy. I also hope that karma will kick your asses soon. I'm not going to do anything about what you've done. If people are true, then things would get better for me. It's up to them to discern what they believe and it's a blessing for me to see who are real from who are not. It's a matter of perspective and how you handle yourself in a crisis. Thank you for this experience. Thank you for the good and bad parts of the relationship. I shall be keeping you at a distant from now on until I can find it in my heart to trust you or see the old you again.