Monday, September 24, 2012

Bakit nga ba?

Bakit nga ba napapatigil ako sa tuwing maiisip kong magsulat? Ang dating sandigan ng aking kaluluwa ay pilit ko na lamang tinutulak palayo. Dati-rati yun lang ang aking tinatakbuhan at hinihingahan. Ngayon, tila nandidiri ako sa tuwing bubuksan ko ang aking computer para magsulat at magpahayag ng aking saloobin, damdamin o kuru-kuro. Marahil masyadong matindi ang pinsalang nadulot sa akin ng pagiging punong patnugot. Hindi rin naman ang pagsusulat bilang punong patnugot ang kinamuhian ko kung hindi ang bigat ng trabaho't responsibilidad na kinailangan kong pasanin. Nakakalungkot nga lang na kinailangan pang mangyari ito. Nakakalungkot lang rin na tila nadungisan na ang pagkakaibigan namin ng iilan sa kolehiyo. Mantakin mo, taon na rin ang nakalipas at iyon pa rin ang isinasaisip ko? Nagkaayos na rin naman kami't lahat lahat ngunit may mga bagay lang na tila hindi na maibabalik sa dati. May mga pinangarap rin akong hindi na natupad at may mga bagay rin akong isinakripisyo na minsan-minsan ay kinahihinayangan ko. Ngunit ang nagdaan ay nakalipas na't di na kailanma'y mabbaalikan. Ngayon, kinaluluksaan ko na lamang ang pagkamatay ng kaluluwang manunulat na dati-rati'y nagsusumigaw ng pagkabuhay.

Di ko lang maiwasang isipin, bakit nga ba kailangan kong patayin ang umaapoy na puso ng isang manunulat?

Saturday, September 22, 2012


The shortness of life never ceases to stun me.

I woke up this morning begrudgingly getting myself out of bed to attend Medwards rehearsals once again. A huge part of me wants to quit because I'm not feeling the old feeling that I had when we first performed last year. Not to mention, the academic load is quite overwhelming that even a little variation in my scheduled programming seemed to be too much for me. So, I packed my stuff and left immediately because I was already late... actually, the ride was going to be late for the next stop.  Unfortunately, I left a lot of things at home. It was resolved anyway, I asked my sister-in-law to bring it to UST before she goes to Manila. Anyway, I was trying to chill out for a few this morning and browsed using the Sun Broadband that my brother lent me. I was browsing around then I suddenly came across the Facebook page of my cousin's wife. She has been battling the Big C for quite some time now and she's been an inspiration to a lot of people. I was surprised that she had just passed away. I don't know really how to react. I'm not close with them but they're still family. I'm sad cause she's just a ray of light for everyone. Hopefully, that ray of light will never be shadowed despite her passing. Hope she's happy where she is now. Rest in peace, Atsi Mimi!

Thursday, September 20, 2012


Lately, it's just been an insane ride. The examinations piled up and were compressed to one part of the week that we just felt so saturated and readily combustible even before it ended. To be honest, I feel as if I didn't make it in some of the subjects and that's just somewhere that I'd rather not be in. I hate that place. I hate that state when you feel as if you just didn't make it.. that you were just not good enough. But then again, those are just grades. Anyway, I also joined Medwards this year. Hope it'll be fun.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012


It's as if I have none left in me anymore. I don't know how to fight like I used to. It's as if I've got no more fight left in me. I also just realized how much I haven't gone to church or the chapel. I don't know. I suppose that also contributes in my lack of spirit. It's as if life has been taken away and stoicism has took control and blowing away, damaging whatever I have built.


I just find myself unable to concentrate on my goals. I don't know what I should do to shift gears and start chasing after my goals. Maybe I don't find much meaning in them anymore but I am not happy with my not trying hard enough.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012


I won't deny that it doesn't really get better each day. It's always a drag and it becomes worse.

Sunday, September 2, 2012


Everything seems lifeless to me. It's as if everything has lost its reason and everything is just leading towards its own destruction.

I don't know if I still want to be in med school. The only thing, I suppose, that's anchoring my stay is the fact that I am no quitter. I hate the fact that it's not what I'm used to. I hate the fact that the volume is overwhelming and is basically hard to chew. I hate the fact that I am actually capable of failing an exam or two. I hate all of these facts but hating them won't really help me in my battles. It has sucked all the inspiration and motivation in me that I can't get myself to focus and be productive. All I am doing right now is trying to get by with the absence of heart. In parts, I want to stop the journey. I want to stop for a while and get things into perspective. But then again, I know this is just a stop in the road. I just need some break time - a time away from it all. I don't know if it's a burn out but I think it might be. I'm trying to have as much resilience as I can muster within me to overcome this but I don't know how much more I can take.

I've also noticed a lot of "disuse" atrophy. I suppose practice really does make things.. "perfect". And the lack thereof would make things quite dispensable. My writing skills also fall under this category. I went on a sabbatical and so did my writing skills. I'm very prone to grammar errors and the fluidity is practically non-exisent. To be honest, I somehow think that the same has happened with my brain. Ugh. Liquefactive Necrosis! :(

Another thing that's making things lifeless is the absence of a love life and the coming of my birthday. I hate feeling old.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

New Day

Well, actually.. It's not a new day. I haven't really done anything better. I was supposed to get my act together but I just didn't last night. I'm currently on the way to school right now. I'm going to force myself to study in the library later. Right now, I should be forcing myself to sleep despite the longer than usual sleeping time I have last night. But, oh well, I need to breathe a little first. I wish this day would turn out okay. :)

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Getting By

It's as if nature was feeling my woes. It got better when I found my great resolve and it got worse when things just got out of hand. Now, I'm trying to get by.

Reason for Absence

I haven't been blogging here lately. I attribute it to time-constraint but to be honest, I just didn't feel like it. There was no need/drive to do so. But now, I'm blogging again.. in private. Read, if you wish to be updated. :)

Monday, June 4, 2012

Another Commencement

So in a few hours, school will start again. I've kind of lost count how many first days I've had so far. I don't think I'll run out of it. I'll have my servings of firsts from time to time. I wouldn't like it otherwise because life would be pretty darn boring if life becomes monotonous and predictable. I should be doing a lot of things though.. I mean things that are not really related to my leisure or lifestyle choice. I should be studying but I haven't really started. I should be sleeping but I still have some product on my face. I should be really thinner but I just munched on some chocolate bars awhile ago. I can't say I'm lost. I just probably lost some juice about stuff. I guess I'm just trying to maximize the chill part of life. In all honesty, I am quite ready to go back to school. I've bummed out as much as I can and now, I'm just willing to go back to my busy life. I'm just not that estatic about having to deal with some of the people but oh well. :)

Monday, May 7, 2012

Injured Shoulder

I never really thought that I could actually injure my shoulder while playing badminton. Yes, I know my smashes are insane killers and would scare almost all of my opponents but I never really saw it as powerful as they did. Not to mention, now that I'm no longer training in my high school varsity, I consider myself very out of shape - that includes my smashes.

It's not as strong as it used to be but it still serves it's purpose.

Unfortunately, I stretched too much and I think I pulled a muscle and compressed a nerve. So, now, I'm taking a vacation from playing and wait until it heals before I resume.

I tried playing with the sore arm. I can't smash so I banked on all the other moves. Unfortunately, the injury has also affected the other moves so I decided to hang the racket up for a while.

It sucks but I think it'll only take a while. I can already move it freely so it won't be long. I'm trying to stage the great return. :)

Saturday, May 5, 2012


I am fat. I never was "not fat"/thin/fit. I was fat ever since I was born and I haven't really entered the state of being just right except for that time when I was part of the Judenites' badminton varsity team. I was relatively in good condition then. But after graduating high school and graduating from the team, Istarted losing it once again. From a Large size shirt, I gained 2 shirt sizes, 50 lbs and I've lost my self-confidence. Not to mention, I actually think that I am unhealthy. Back then, I wouldn't really care because I don't feel that I am fat. Now, i can really feel it and it's just plain depressing. It sucks. 

I have to figure out a way to remove all of these and bring myself back. 

All efforts start tomorrow.. I have to do this. 

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Much Too Much to Say

I've been struggling to make a decent post over the summer but I find myself staring blankly on the page. I tried to compose myself and revert back to my old editor-in-chief form and try to place random thoughts in the multitude of topics that just ran through my head. I start to type my nothingness and then decide to put it off if not erase the whole thing. I guess there's something about writing that still appalls me. I can't seem to wash away the intoxicated feeling I had when I was very much obliged to write. I really thought that after a hiatus or two that I'll be able to regain the passion that was just burnt out of my system. Apparently, I can't just blurt out all of the things I've been longing to say. Not anymore. Perhaps in my private blog, I can write to my heart's content. But here, I just can't simply do that. No, I can't do it without hurting one or two along the way.

I suppose what I'm feeling is also due to the fact that I've been so used to putting off the verbalizations of things that I would normal rant about. It's like a switch I've learned to develop and use ever since life became a little too busy. I just switch it off and start to focus on seemingly more important things... The modifiable things. And now, the consequences of my actions have materialized. The empty pages and the notable widened intervals are the product of my choices. This will persist unless I choose otherwise. I suppose it's time to choose otherwise.

I have much too much to say. Because I've chosen to keep quiet when I was dying to say something. I forced the feelings and hold the reservations too much that I believe it is high time to let it be and let it burst.

So, I shall burst with much too much to say.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Medicine Hiatus = Non-Academic resumption

Finally got my grades. I guess they're pretty good. I worked hard for them. Now, I'm off to a vacation. I suppose I'll blog more now that it's summer. :)

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Cock Smashing

Shuttlecock smashing.

Don't go green on me!

I've been craving for the sound of my smashes detonating as the shuttlecock kisses my racket and smacks down the opponents' side of the court. I miss the insane power and speed that I've placed on every shot that I make. Unfortunately, it's not as potent as my trademark shots but it will do. To compensate, I'm trying to make my other shots work now. :) So far, it's good. :)

Monday, April 16, 2012


I haven't really noticed the intensity of the summer heat not until I was subjected to it while waiting in line for the processing of my passport. I have no idea one Lon this process would be but I'm quite grateful that my brother lent me his iPad and it has an internet access and lots of games what I would normally play. I'm supposed to attend training later but I think I won't make it on time. Is is taking too long.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Sleepless Good Friday

"The Voice, pag dumating ka sa Pilipinas, mag-aaudition ako." 

I shouldn't have said those words because I know that it would be quite a difficult thing to fulfill. 

It's Holy Week 2012 right now. Specifically, in the middle of Good Friday and Black Saturday. It's actually 3:22 AM on my Mac watch and that would mean that it's really 2:40 or something. I should be tucked in bed sound asleep just like the rest of my family. We will be going to Tagaytay in a while and I am so excited to eat at one of my favorite places ever, Sonya's Garden. Unfortunately, I had to open my Twitter account and read the replies sent to me. One of those replies were my classmate's which stated that The Voice is being franchised in the Philippines. All the while, I thought it was X Factor but it was actually, The Voice. Now, I am contemplating an auditioning for the show. I have never done something like this and the idea alone would immediately be shut down by my family. And it's not in my plans as well. I don't know what to do really. A huge part of me is wanting to audition for the show while there is a big part of me that's just being swallowed by fear. If I were to be completely honest, this is something that I really really want. I mean this is just the thing that I've been waiting for. The reality is, I don't think I have what it takes. I don't think I have that much of a talent to impress the public and to back me up on my dreams. I don't mean to push aside becoming a doctor. I want to be a doctor too. But I would love it more to sing. I don't know. I'm quite crazy right now. I don't know what to make of what I've just learned. I googled the show and I've read that they'll be having the last auditions next week. Eeps. Let's see. Probably for the next season? I don't know. Grrr. I hate it. :( 

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Last Stretch

I guess this is what we call it. Last stretch. We're nearing the home base and there is nothing we can do about it but to do our best with whatever we have and probably give it our all. Lucky, or in a  different aspect, unlucky for those who don't need to take the final examination. Well, they are lucky because they can practically start their summer vacation a week or two earlier than us commoners. However, they are unlucky in the sense that they will not be able to gauge, even in just a sporadic, foolish, one-shot test, how much they have actually learned in the course. Well, everything happens for a reason. I didn't get any exemptions for the annual subjects. Yes, the announcements have not been made yet but I know for a fact that I won't be exempted because i do compute for my grades and they are insanely far away from the exemption. I wouldn't even be attempting for it anymore this year. Next year would be a totally different story though.

At any rate, I am hanging by the line to be a dean's lister in med. I swear it's difficult and it's quite a struggle for me as compared to others but it's not impossible. I just need to break away from feeling so tired. After all, I need to forgive myself. My credentials will speak for itself that I had a very tiring course in college. Well, I'll just have to strive better now. enough of the frustrations and just look at the blessings. :)

Monday, March 12, 2012


I swear, come summer vacation, I shall write and sing like there's no tomorrow.

Monday, January 23, 2012


What is a door?

A piece of hard wood dividing a room from another?

I suppose so. 

I recall having discussed an essay entitled On Doors by Christopher Morley in our World Literature class back in Nursing. I tried digesting every bit of the essay and breaking down the meaning of the words and the essence of the whole piece. The reality was and still is that the piece was relatively simple and easy to understand. Not much analysis must be made to interpret the essay. It was pretty much straightforward. Doors are meant to maintain our privacy, letting our secrets remain secrets. And I have to be honest, I love them.. especially when they have functional locks. 

I speak of this because I've just felt the need of locking my doors lately to send a message to my family. You see, in our house, knocking is not a habit. They just barge in. It wasn't until my brother got married that an ounce of manners about privacy was introduced but for me it is too little of an effort to be accounted for. Case in point, my mom used to read our text messages when we are asleep. I feign sleeping one time when I heard her walk into our room and I caught her reading our messages. Yes, that's our mom, the parent who should have set good examples. She didn't. Apparently, she's never a good example and I've learned not to imitate whatever she's doing. But that's a totally different topic. Anyhow, it is then expected that before you enter the door, you knock. That's one thing that my family can never seem to learn how to do. 

As of this moment, I've been invaded so many times that I can lose count already. O_o 

Sunday, January 22, 2012

And I Write Again.

I remember telling myself that I shall not write again. Apparently, I forgot to promise myself not to write again. I just settled for a decent sabbatical. After all, two years of being an editor-in-chief as an extracurricular activity for a cum laude student nurse wasn't a joke. It was stressful trying to balance out the academics and plotting and following through with the great plans for the publication. Needless o say, it took a lot from me and I needed appropriate amount of rest. So, I declined the offer of the Medicine Student council president to be part of the supposed Medicine publication, Sulo. I was really tempted but I ended up deciding to give myself a break. I knew that if I accepted the job, I would end up in the same fate. I also know for a fact that it's not in my personality to just do everything in a mediocre fashion. It has to be grand. Even if I convince myself that it is not necessary and I should not do things in such grandiose levels, I can only last for a couple of hours or a day at most. After the forced display of discipline, I revert to my old form of intense obsessive compulsiveness and I find myself trying to make everything with a bang. That said, this time around, I must practice complete discipline and resist trying to join the publication. And to do that, I convinced myself that I should avoid writing altogether. After all, my skills deteriorated after being exposed to a lot of erroneous and juvenile "masterpieces". So, there. I stayed away from one of my passions - writing.

Well, at least I tried. 

It was restarted a little bit when I started blogging once again. I've kept a blog since 2005. I had it running ever since and it has reached at about 1,000 posts. It used to be a public blog but after a messy occurrence, I decided to make it private with only few trusted eyes being able to chance upon the content. It was working for me. I don't need to have that expecting feeling towards the things I express. In a sense, if I make something accessible to the public, I would be longing for that sense of affirmation that I've grown a bit accustomed to. Making it private eliminated the feeling of "pressure". However, it also eliminated the feeling of communication and my initial purpose of keeping a blog. I wanted to use it to update my friends with the things that I am doing especially when it reached a point that we became too busy or our schedules were too different to sustain a decent communication pathway. In simpler words, when we are not able to update each other with text messages, I see blogging as a feasible way. Thus, I created another blog - this blog. Which has public access. I place some random stuff here that I believe would be safe to share with others. I haven't done something academic or that intellectual lately. I'm trying to lay off those things because I was saturated with them back when my term. And I was planning to keep it that way.

However, things didn't go as planned.

During the Medicine Week, we sort of had some free time. I was supposed to rehearse for Medwards when one of my classmates encouraged me to join the University of Santo Tomas Medicine Alumni Association (USTMAA) On-the-spot Essay Writing Contest. I was skeptical at first. It has been a while since I joined a competition. At the same time, I was trying to lay off writing for a while. But I have to be honest, I missed it. Anyhow, I pushed through. I didn't really care about winning. I just missed that feeling of being able to write again and I was really happy to be reliving that feeling. I sort of felt the same zest that I felt back when I was in grade school. It's like it doesn't matter anymore if you're output sucks, just as long as you are writing and expressing yourself. It was really nice to have a feel of that again after being so trapped in the obligatory writing process.

Thereafter, we just went on with our med school stuff without really minding the results. My friend and I brought it up once but we didn't bother asking the organizers for the results anymore. In my mind, I didn't really care. I got my reward already. I got the flame back. :) It actually reached a point where I was asking about the offer that the Medicine Student Council President gave me back in June. I was thinking of having a little journalism in my life once more. However, the publication was shut down and it was a whole different story that doesn't really deserve much space here. Anyhow, I resorted to some writing in the blogosphere as my outlet from time to time. Well, it kept me sane from Med anyway. :) So, I just continued with my daily routine until one day, I saw my name posted as a 3rd placer in the contest.

Well, that's a cherry on top. So, tomorrow, I'll be attending the awarding ceremonies of the USTMAA. I don't really know if I should attend. I don't feel like I really deserve to attend it. I mean I think they'll just be awarding the 3 of us and the board topnotchers. I hope the 1st placer and 2nd placer show up. Otherwise, that would be weird. Anyhow, we have to be in our barongs and thank goodness I just had one made for my brother's engagement! I'll try to look as normal as possible later. As for now, I'll study Biochemistry. I want to make it really good. I just computed my grades, I think I'm not going to make it to the Dean's List anymore and that's just sad! :( So, I'll make do with what I have and bid you a goodbye!

Sorry for the lengthy post! Haha!

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Update (Clip Notes Version)

My brother just got married. It was before the hell week of an exam week started. I'm so freaking tired and I don't know what I am going to do. :)) Haha

Friday, January 20, 2012

Old Habits Die Hard

Yesterday, I got so conscious with my grades that last night, I really tried finalizing my excel and input all of my scores in quizzes in their respective places. Yes, I was on GC mode again. The results of the exam was a bit devastating that I just can't help but compute for my grades to see how badly I faired for this shift. Needless to say, it was really bad. I was thinking of ways that I may somehow save my downward spiral for the 4th shift. I suppose I should really work it out now. I have to prioritize and ensure that I won't back down. Let's see what will happen. Hopefully, things go well.

Oh. Yeah. Another thing that died hard was the habit of binge eating. Yes, you guessed it right. I did that again last night. I really need to get decent outputs. Otherwise, I'll fall into the dooms of depression. :( 

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Burning the Midnight Lamp

I hate where I stand right now. I'm not used to being in a lag state and having to chase after my schedule just because I failed to accomplish things that I should have done way back.

As of the moment, I'm trying to study Biochemistry but I am taking a longer than normal time and I still have a class in a little while. I am not a fan of this situation but I have to deal with it. Not to mention, I didn't do really well in the last 2 quizzes and the departmental examination. Add to that, my samplexes were wrong. O_o I hope things go for the better.

So far, 3rd shift was another landslide. (This is still 3rd shift). Yet, 4th shift seems to be promising. Let's see. :)

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Last Stretch

It's everywhere and I really hate it.

I can see it in places I've never seen them before.
I should not gain weight. I don't have the warrant to do so. I mustn't then.
It's just difficult. But it's possible.
Nothing is impossible.
It will be the last stretch that I shall ever see.
I hate the remnants but I can't imagine having more.
I'm hoping that a retreat would allow it to retire.
Oh well, reality sucks.
But I think I have much incentives for anorexic attacks.
I just wish I could fight through the half-baked bulemia.
I can't seem to get myself to gag. Haha.
Crap. I'll just do what I can.

Prolonged fasted state, here I come.


When there is too much to carry, sometimes, you just can't help but think of losing it all. You just want to be free of the burden that's bringing you down and holding you back from becoming the person you want to be - the person you know will represent a better you.

Baggage. How much does one have? How long can one carry this "baggage" throughout his or her life? A mere thing from the past which should have been left in the past manages to persist and exist in one's present. Could it make you better or give you guidance? Or perhaps it holds you back or worse, bring you down?

We all have it.
The question is, what do we do with it?


I told myself that I would try to blog as much as I can for this year and hopefully, for the years to come. Reality is, I've been blogging ever since 2005 - just not in this blog.

Side note: I'm tying using a desktop and I kind of forgot how accustomed my fingers are with typing from a desktop. I am still having a hard time adjusting to my MacBookPro. The keys are different and apparently a bit delicate. Anyway...

Somehow, it seems to my soul that, over the years, I am finding it really hard to express anything at all. I find it hard to put into words what I really mean. Perhaps I was given numerous options of self-expression. However, it puzzles me that the primitive option is now deemed insufficient to fill the gaps. Well, from time-to-time, there'll be that sporadic surge of verbal orgasms but apart from that, it's just deafening silence. Somehow, I feel as if I am no longer in touch with my writer side. There are moments when I no longer react to intense grammar errors. Heck, I am even starting to commit major grammatical shitness from time to time. And I don't even catch myself whenever that used-to-be-rare circumstance grace my friends' egos.

So, here I am trying to blab about abstract things in a flight-of-ideas manner just so I can preserve whatever is left of my writing prowess - if it ever did exist.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

A letter... Just because I have to...

To whom it may concern,

I still can't fathom on how you were able to do that to me. Heck! I can't even imagine how anyone could ever do that to anybody. How could you dump me on Christmas Day? How could you do everything you did? You've made the circumstances worse, you added insult to your injury. I am trying to understand how could my friend be so heartless and act like a complete stranger to me.

I don't know what you were thinking sending me a message about your "problem" that day. I don't know what you were thinking when you decided to disclose whatever it is that's going on with you. I don't know what you were thinking when you've decided to end the possibility of us being together just because you were confused/shocked/overwhelmed with what happened to you. I didn't know that you had the capacity to lie and tell me that you're just friends when he's clearly, in your words and in your parents' eyes, courting you. I don't know why you would decide to break my heart on Christmas Day. I never had anyone make me feel so rejected ever. At least when the previous girl who broke my heart dumped me, she had the audacity not to do it on Valentine's Day or whatever special occasion. I was doing well before you've messaged me. I was enjoying my day. You just ruined everything.

I was set not to pursue any girl. I planned not to fall for anyone or let anyone in. I should have pushed through with the plan because letting you in was the biggest mistake I made. I wanted to give love a chance. I wanted to open my doors to the possibility of a relationship as long as it was with you. I never thought you'd break my heart. I never thought you would... in this manner. I would have accepted a different ending. I would have wished for a better warning. I just never saw this coming... especially not from you.

I don't know what's up with you right now. I don't know how things will be. I just know that right now, you've hurt me more than I could ever imagine and I would never want to be friends with you. I don't even want to see you. I hope you get what you deserve. I'm gone in your life. I just wish I you could easily be off my mind.

It's unfair.

You were unfair.

I'll find a way to make my life better somehow..

And I hope that the next girl I am going to fall in love with will be the last.

My heart is too fragile to be wasted by your kind.

I just really hope God gives you what you deserve.

And yeah, don't apologize. It's expired. I can't forgive you. I'm just hoping to forget you.

Monday, January 2, 2012

Scribbling Again

At the moment, I should be studying.. or perhaps sleeping. Tomorrow, classes resume. I don't want to go back to the hell that is med school but I have to. I don't know how I would do and how I would be tomorrow. Somehow, I feel as if I still don't have the strength. I tried not to grieve and just go on and move on with what happened. Apparently, I underestimated how much it meant to me and how much it hurt me. There are some moments when I just want to stop everything and break down and cry. It hurts more than I thought it would. A part of me wants to get even. But I know better than to do that. I just hope I don't show a sign of this. Haaay. Avoidance brings about no good. Thus, I must cope somehow.. I suppose this would be one of the ways..


What if life was just like the 4 seasons?

We would have a balance of everything. We would experience the warmth of summer, the despair of fall, the scarcity of winter and the blessing of spring. We would have a taste or a share of everything and a chance to retire to our beds knowing that someday it will surely come around - that a new beginning was possible. 

Somehow, I wish for this to be a reality in my life. I hope that I can experience the blessings that I see in spring - rebirth. I must admit that 2011 was quite a challenge for me. I've met a lot of trials and tribulations that struck me to the core. There were a lot of people that I've met and had crossed. Some hatchets were buried and others were kept until this very moment. I allowed myself to fall and had no one catch me at the end. Worst, she even dug a whole to bury me deeper. I tried to maintain my academics but I seem to have failed on that. (Although the academic year is not yet done.. So, I shouldn't and I wouldn't want to seal that conclusion).

However, I shouldn't also ignore the good things that happened. I graduated with honors, passed the board exams and released the necessary issues of Nursing Journal. But to be honest, it seemed as if it's more bad than good and I just want things to be better. I want to reconnect with my roots, myself. This would be a year dedicated to myself and making myself better.

I just hope that I could do this the way I should be doing. :)