Words, have you become futile?
Lately, I just developed the aversion for writing. It pains me to sit on a chair and face my beloved laptop and write my heart away. Perhaps, it would be because my words will no longer be heeded. They would no longer matter and they would no longer be read. Worse, they would be read but would mean nothing because the true meaning beneath each well-structured sentence would be incomprehensible to each pair of eyes that would take view of my soul. Idealistic thinking. Yeah.
I went on a "hiatus" because I had so much bad experiences being the editor-in-chief of our college's publication for 2 damn years. That's probably one downside of my personality. I tend to look at the negative things that took place that I am not able to pull back for a while and look at the things that I've actually accomplished. To me, it's nothing. It's incomplete. It's lacking. I could have done more and I could have done better. However, I believe that was what I could to with the circumstances that I had. I brought myself to the job and did not bring the job to me. I just assumed a role and now I have to let go of that role. However, while I was assuming that role, I experienced a lot of things that I would not usually experience as an individual. I suppose this just has to make me stronger because it didn't kill me. I didn't allow it to kill me. I've never been so late and tired of working as compared to how I am now. I suppose I just reached my limit. There were a lot of boundaries crossed, limits pushed, and people whom I allowed myself to tolerate when normally, I would just shut them down. It's how I deal with people. Enjoy who I want to be with and ignore those that I deem insignificant. With the job, it wasn't an option. I had to deal with a lot of people whom I believe is not amiable at all.
Anyway, all those shit led me to abhor writing. Not to mention, reading numerous gramatically incompetent articles made me so susceptible to grammar errors my own. Now, after some time that I am done with all those shiz, I can go back to being the old writer that I am. I shouldn't hate writing. It didn't do anything bad for me. I should just hate the job of being the EIC and the people that made it difficult for me. Haha. Just kidding. Let go, let go. :) I'm letting it go. Don't bring it up though because the memories are plain bitter.. sweet.
It'll just be something that made me stronger then.
See how incoherent I can be in my blog entries. :))
I could care less.
I just let my thoughts flow here and I swear that I am so not thinking of whatever. Haha. Good night.