Saturday, August 13, 2011

How much do you know me?

How much do you know me?
Apart from my name,
What else do you know?
What else do you CARE to know about me?
Apart from the blood,
and perhaps some traits and mannerisms,
what binds us together?
What other links exist to connect us with each other?
Do I matter to you?
Did I ever?

I had never imagined that my worth to be degraded to a few material things.
I never imagined life to be this difficult
that you would make it this difficult for me.
I don't know how to feel anymore at times.
I just want out.
I just want to let go and let things fall apart.
I can no longer hold on to things that I wish were still here.
I can no longer let you hold me back and pull me down.
I won't allow you to hurt me anymore.

I miss him. I wish he was still here. I felt more loved by him than you.
I wish I could tell you all of these. I wish I could scream them to your face.
I don't believe that you love me. I haven't believed in that for a long time now.
You made me doubt the phrase that there is no parent that doesn't love his/her child.
You made me spite all the TV shows that depict a parent loving the child more than himself or herself.
I lost faith in you. I lost all hope.
I no longer believe that things can be better. I don't believe that there could be a better tomorrow.
I'm tired.
I'm beaten.
I'm broken down.
Now, I don't believe that I have any place that I can call home.
You don't know how much you've made my life so difficult.
You don't know how many times that I wanted to just kill myself so that I do not need to bear with this.
I'm done.
I'm tired.
I honestly just want to drop dead right now.
I don't want to live anymore if this is the predicament that I would always have to face.
I can't be the perfect son.
You are asking for all the unreasonable things in the world.
It sucks.
You suck.
I wish that somehow this would dawn upon you.
I'm trying.
Please try too.

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