As I said, I have a private blog and a public blog. I just ranted too much in my private blog, I suppose, and I never made an entry that would be suitable for the public's eye. But now, I'm back to writing and probably inserting some rants here and there.
As you may know, I am currently in UST Med School and I am really having a hard time coping with all the stresses. I am not used to getting low scores. I am not used to being at the bottom of the chain. I'm not that much of an achiever. I'm not always on top nor am I on top. I don't plan to be anyway. It's just that I'm always at the upper bracket. So, being in the lower to middle bracket is just something that I am not used to. I am not doing well. I am just surviving, hanging on a thread and bordering on failure. I need to focus now. I need to let things go and let myself do the best that I can. Thus, I write again.
It's so difficult for me to do so badly each day. I've gone through depression for a few weeks back because I feel that I've been degraded into a good for nothing pile of dirt. I wish I could somehow do better just good enough to graduate with honors. I will need it if I want a good career in Medicine. But I suppose it will only be given to me if it's meant for me. But heck! I shall work for it nonetheless.
In another department, love is quite a distant stranger nowadays.
I don't know how she feels really. Somehow, I feel that she's skeptical and she wants me to take a committed step. But I just can't. I don't know if there's a future for us. I don't think she's open to it as well. I don't know. I'm sparing myself from a devastating heart break. Ack. I'll stop now and start studying.
I just want out of this black hole.