Do you consider yourself to be a giver or a taker? Why?

It depends on the situation. It depends on who I am with. I am capable of being both. Different people would say different things. If I'm with a giver, I am a taker. When I'm with a taker, I am a giver. I play both but I won't abuse.

Why? Because I believe in balance. I'd like to keep things balanced.

Ask, but with sense and substance please. Stupid anonymous questions WILL be ignored.

what is your favourite depressing song?

Tahan Na by Kyla

The story and the words used in telling the story in itself is already heartbreaking. The melody and how Kyla sang it was just... Wow.

Ask, but with sense and substance please. Stupid anonymous questions WILL be ignored.

So Far, So Good

It's halfway our examinations and all I can say is, so far so good. I haven't hit below 70 for this shifting exams as compared with my 1st shifting exams where I didn't really get anything that reached 80 except for Anatomy. I'm already satisfied with my grades in Anatomy and Biochem. I'm happy with Prev Med. I never thought that it would feel that good to be exempted. How I wish I can manage to get exempted in all subjects but that is just not possible especially for me. I am not THAT smart. I am actually dreading Physiology and Histology. Those are the subjects that I need to do better at. So, I have to prepare over the weekend. But I just can't help but be grateful cause it's so far, so good amidst the pressure we have in Med School. 

Well, I start studying now. :)

Struggle

Biochem is so long. I wish I have retained more than what I did. It would be an easier task then. I don't plan to pull an all-nighter. Just a semi one. I hope things work out for the best.

Oh yeah, I'm contemplating on dropping. It's far from my personality but I am thinking about it.

The Vicious Cycle

I've entered med school knowing that it would be more difficult than what I am used to... I just didn't brace myself for this much disappointment. I must admit that I am quite an achiever back then. But now, I'm just a normal Joe. Heck, I'm now holding on for dear life. There will be days that I'll have my episodes of "high grade highs" and then I will sink down to my "low grade lows". There is no sense of stability. Basically, it's an absolute state of adventure where I would never really know what would happen to me or what would become of me. All I know is that I am trying to hold on to dear life and I feel that I am slowly slipping away. Reality bites but i just have to deal with it..

Sleeping through

Today or tonight, I was supposed to go to a gathering with my friends. Kath was going to Shanghai for a year and she was throwing a party so that she could see us before she leaves. I was going to go since I don't have any plans for the day and I felt like I needed a reward for pushing through the whole week while I was sick and suspected to have dengue. Well, I wish I was able to go to the party but I wasn't. I slept in the afternoon and apparently, it reached the night. I slept through the event and I missed the gathering. I haven't seen my best friend for a long time now and I haven't seen much of my friends except for the ones in med school. I need to see my non-med friends soon. I really do and I will after the shifting examinations.

I need to make sure that I'll survive and do well. It sucks, I'm getting really low scores.. :( It's heartbreaking.

你知道麽我很想你了?

Dawning

It took me a while to have some certain realizations yesterday. :))

If you really make an effort and read the textbook, it will actually make your life easier. I was trying to force myself to sleep last night because I was still a little bit sick and I know that  undue stress would do me no good. So, I started to toss and turn on my side of my mom's bed trying to find the spot where the sand of little old sand man was severely concentrated. But to my despair, I can't find the right spot. I'm still awake as ever and I don't know why. I really wanted to be knocked out because I know for a fact that I need more sleep for now than I usually do. After all, I wouldn't want the incident yesterday to happen. To those who don't know, I was sort of bed-bound yesterday. It was general body malaise that prevented me to rise from the bed and pretend as if nothing hurts and I'm a Popeye that took in heap-loads of Spinach. Anyhow, this morning wasn't a bearer of that bad news anyway despite the few hours of sleep. I believe it's just a little bit of colds and sore throat now. :) Going back, I just saw the parts that were also in the manual and it would be really useful if I give some time and not cram whatever I'm reading. More or less, whatever I've read last night is still in my head. Somehow, I should remember where I came from, what I've been through and what I am capable of. Perhaps, doing this would be helpful as I venture on in Med School. :)

Reality of the Situation

Here's the reality of the situation. I was absent in Biochem because I was so sick this morning that my head was aching and I can't get up. I am just pissed at some people who would still want me to go at far distances things that I am not really supposed to handle. They can be leaders themselves but they want to rely on someone else and that for me is pure suckiness and dependence. It's not my responsibility and I wish that you would have considered the circumstance. Ang hirap kasi parati na lang gusto mo na ikaw nakakatanggap. Pag di ka binigyan, madamot na kami. Kung umintindi ka kaya?

Excuse my outburst but I had to burst because my head is almost bursting. I hope this will be gone by tom..

Hairspray High

You can't stop the beat! 

Haha. I'm still with a last song syndrome on that one. I really missed the stage. I really missed performing. I gave it a rest after high school because I focused on writing. I wonder how it would have been if I really participated in our class's (Nursing) production of Fame. I guess it would have been really fun. But anyhow, I wasn't able to contribute anything so I guess this was the chance. I loved the experience. We had to sacrifice a lot but it was all worth it. I'm glad that I joined and I've met a lot of amazing and talented people. :) I'm still having the hairspray high. Unfortunately, my body isn't.

Behind the Scenes

I only had an hour or two of sleep prior to the performance day. Needless to say, I was very much immunocompromised and whatever I did on that day was out of pure heart and unlimited supply of glucose from all the fruit juices that I gulped that day. I'm just grateful that everything went smoothly and I didn't faint. :) I just hope I would be able to recover tonight while I'm semi-preparing for the hell week that's coming. I hope things go well. :) 

After the Storm

I woke up today still feeling a tad bit tired from yesterday's rehearsals. I got ready for school and as usual, I chose to enter the building a tad bit late. I don't know what's up with this day or what would be in store for us simply because class suspensions aren't our friends in terms of the schedules. It seems that everything would be suddenly disorganized because everything had to be moved. This week should be our Medicine Week celebration but the activities have been postponed and we are not even certain when it would be. 

I was walking along the drive toward my building and it's just funny how taunting the skies could be. The rays of the sun hit the floor as if there was no storm the day before - as if it had not taken away much lives. Yet, as I walk, I see the remnants of the catastrophe. What would have been a loud and festive week was silenced and the venue simply deserted. Everybody trying to grab a book and attempt to move on with their lives, picking up where they left and hoping that things would be as normal as it was. 

Well, we could all at least try. 

Ending it with a BANG!

Love can kill.

Despite the hectic schedule of a medical student, I still find time to have one of my senses tune into the news channels. My eyes are focused on what I am reading and I am selectively listening to the news feeds on a local news channel. I would only look at the screen whenever I am on a break or if something unusual was being reported. However, what I've heard is not only unusual.

Just a week ago, an infuriated wife set out to kill her cheating husband and she chose to do it at a mall. Then, a few days ago, we've heard of another case, this time involving two gay teenagers who were termed as lovers doing the same thing. Two similar cases but was treated differently by the public.

On one hand, the action of the wife who was engulfed with concupiscence was not approved by the majority but was still given much leave for her situation. Perhaps it was because of pity or sympathy that somehow mitigated her murderous act but it does not take back the fact that she ended a life. On the other hand, the action of the homosexual teenager seemed to have elicited a lot of negative responses and no understanding at all from the public. First on the hot seat was the sexual preference of the teenagers before they thought of the lack of supervision in the parents' parts and the lack of security in the mall owner's part.

It's saddening how two very similar situations can be seen in two different lights just because of out culture and impulsivity. Somehow, a lot of factors could have come into play and should have been considered.

AGE 
Has anyone considered the ages of the suspects? One was a minor who was termed by most ethical and legal premises as an individual who has yet to become fully knowledgeable and understanding of his or her actions and its consequences. the other one was an adult with a child or two whom she would have to support. I am not aware if there are any support groups like Gabriela backing her up or anything but if they were, I believe they were fighting for a wrong cause. I would have understood her actions and considered it IF she was being mistreated or abused in any way. But in the news reports, it seemed that she acted impulsively. She mentioned that she cannot bear with the situation of having to take care of her child all alone and that she was set to murder her husband and kill herself afterwards. I believe most support groups are their to empower people who are oppressed to take the right cause and fight for their rights. They are not there to encourage people to kill others. At any rate, have all measures been exhausted to make the relationship work or perhaps to terminate the relationship in a decent manner? If not, will killing another human being ever be a justifiable resort? It may be true that the suspect was engulfed with her emotions and passion but again that is really hard to prove unless you were there at the situation. Nonetheless, defined by the law, the wife was of LEGAL age and could be trusted to act according to moral norms. The child was not.

SEXUALITY
Somehow, it seems that being homosexual was deemed as an aggravating circumstance for this case. I have no discriminations for the homosexuals except when they invade too much of my space but I don't believe that being gay predisposes you to commit such a crime. The two situations happening in a narrow time difference would be a testament that LOVE and the inability to deal with love or the misconceptions of how love should be is the problem. It seems that it's more of a moral dilemma that we have to deal with in order to resolve the problem completely. The whole issue about homosexuality is a different issue and should not be injected to this case just because a homosexual was involved.

SECURITY
This seems to be one of the factors that cannot be excused at all. A vast majority spend their leisure time in malls which were considered to be a relatively safe place... until now. It is indeed undeniable that the lax security of the malls are one of the big factors that precipitated the crime. Fingers could either be pointed at the strictness of security guards or the lack of their number. Whatever it is, clearly something has to be done. Mall owners should take responsibility and increase the number of security personnel. At the same time, security agencies should also device a protocol of detecting dangerous weapons or paraphernalia which may be brought in to the malls. Whatever these mall owners or security personnel should do, they must do it at once and ensure that measures will be made.


PARENTAL SUPERVISION
Somehow, it may seem that this is only applicable for one of the situations. However, I recall in the news story that the wife entrusted her child to her mother. I don't have maternal instincts and I won't ever have one. But I would like to think that it should have kicked in at that instant. I cannot imagine a mother consenting her daughter to commit murder and suicide. Even if the suspect already had a mind of her own and can decide for herself, I believe that proper advice from her parents especially when traces or clues were apparent must be elicited. As for the teenager's case, the parents obviously lacked supervision and they admitted that. Hopefully, parents would be more weary of their children's activities and be more involved. Well, the right type of involved - not to the point of privacy invasion.

Many fingers have been pointed and whoever or whatever that can be blamed has been blamed. But in reality it's a mumbo jumbo of all these things. As I would always say, it's not pointing out who's responsible. It's taking responsibility to make sure that it would never happen again. All these factors have contributed to the situation - not just a single one. Whatever the root of cause could be, we should explore what can be done in order to prevent the recurrence of such tragedies and restore the safety and security we can enjoy in public places.

Headache

Somehow, I'm having quite a persistent headache. I think I'm going down with the flu and it cannot be any less unfortunate since tomorrow I'm going to join an essay writing contest and I'm also rehearsing for broadway. Not to mention, I still am a medical student and I have a lot of pending things to do. So, I'll just have to brace myself for that. Good luck to me. I hope I can get everything done really well.

Somnolent Detachment

Somehow, I became really lethargic lately. I can't seem to get myself to do anything lately. I always want to sleep or I always end up sleeping. Weird.

Release

I can't describe how bad it hurts to be in Medicine and be less than mediocre here. It's so hard when you are used to getting by so well and then suddenly feel as if you are as good as trash in a different world.

I just really hope that I am really having difficulty adjusting because that would mean that it's bound to get better. Otherwise, it would just flat out suck. :(